The Pothead-Hochul Effect: A Survival Guide

If you’re looking for a warm hug and a participation trophy, you’ve clicked the wrong link.

The A-Team Ski Club is staring down a weekend that can only be described as "refrigerated." We’re talking temps between -7 and -4, wind gusts that’ll take the skin off your face, and a mountain management strategy that seems to have been inspired by a fever dream.

Here is everything you need to know to survive the weekend without becoming a "lodge decoration."

The Conditions: Hard Pack & Hard Truths

The mountain is currently locked in a deep freeze. Expect machine-groomed surfaces and high-speed hard pack

• The Good News: If you know how to hold an edge, the carving is going to be legendary.

• The Bad News: If you can’t ski ice, stay home. Today is for the professionals.

Warning: Frostbite is real. It takes about 10 minutes to set in. If you manage to get it, management has officially classified it as a "personal softness issue." If your biological makeup is equivalent to room-temperature butter, please plan accordingly.

Operation "Waddle or Huddle"

In a move of "groundbreaking" operational genius, Mount Snow has introduced a new philosophy to combat the cold: The Pothead-Hochul Effect.

Because the lifts are struggling and the North Face is on a "frozen feel" delay (expect 3–5 stops per ride just for the aesthetic), leadership has decided that less is more. By limiting lift options, you are encouraged to cluster together like penguins.

• Waddle efficiently. Huddle respectfully. Ignore the Chihuahuas. (Wait, that’s just the mean Ski Patrol losers harassing the kids again.)

While the management focuses on whistling at children for "moving too fast," the rest of us will be busy trying not to turn into popsicles while the Blue Bird sits idle during the morning rush.

Après & The Social Rankings

If you survive the North Face, the real battle happens at Cuzzins.

• Friday: Bruce is at Snowrepublic (6:30 PM). Olympic re-runs start at 8:00 PM for the "losers and liberals" who missed the 2:30 AM live broadcast.

• Saturday: Bruce is at Cuzzins (3:45 PM).

• The Stake: If you show up 14 minutes late, "K the Kurrupt" will likely have a breakdown and give your table away. Don't be that person.

Note: If you attend Après on Saturday but "hide" from the cold on Sunday, your ranking will take a massive hit. We are looking for athletes, not people who use a "Cold Weather Warning" as an excuse to sit in the lodge and scroll Instagram.

The Shit List: A Formal Warning

Performance is trending downward. Some of you have hit rock bottom and decided to start digging. If you’ve been "Running and Hiding" from the elements, expect a calendar invite from the Athlete Council. We will be reviewing your level of seriousness, your commitment, and whether or not you actually belong in this sport.

The gate for 25/26 Season Prospects closes this Sunday. If you want a seat on the bird, start posting stats.

Stay warm. Or don't. We honestly don't care—just don't get in the way of the rippers.

ATSC: Where the ice is firm and the expectations are higher.